White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
