Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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