I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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