lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
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