just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
