i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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