It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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