I could have mohawked her pubes.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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