They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
