um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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