We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
