So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
