is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
