Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
