my mouth tastes like poor choices
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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