The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
