She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
