Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
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