yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
