I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
