i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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