my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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