??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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