There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
