he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
