mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
