woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
The ass gains better be worth it
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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