Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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