Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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