I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
