she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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