i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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