You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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