Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
