Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
