seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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