Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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