Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
