I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
