You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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