Whod you bang
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
