He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
