Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
