Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
