We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
