Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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