just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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