woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
And then he peed in my hair
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