what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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