Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
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