he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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